Monday, August 24, 2009

A Brief Theory of Executive Identification

If you see a person at work using scissors, he or she is not an executive.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

A Brief Theory of Masculinity

As a public service, My Two Innings hereby presents a highly reliable differential indicator of masculinity:

1. Holding purse momentarily for wife/girlfriend/female relative: Chivalrous. Masculinity retained, provided purse is not held by the strap.

2. Walking more than one step with purse: Traveling Violation. Masculinity not retained.

3. Important Exception: Retrieving forgotten purse from mid-priced family restaurant on a Sunday is permitted, provided the bag is grabbed in the same way that Brett Favre holds a football while scrambling -- confidently yet haphazardly, with arm extended downward at full length for maximum distance between the purse and bearer's line of sight -- and is in no event carried by the strap. Bearer must glance around furtively and return to the vehicle at a hasty trot.

Recap: Holding bag, okay; walking with bag, not okay. Thus informed, you may now proceed with confidence.


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